Broken Bong Blues: The Death of a Princess

The last photo of Princess and I together.I’m really going to miss her.

She was beautiful – tall and slender, with curves in all the right places – and she sparkled like a crystal. Anywhere we went people commented on how lovely she looked. Though she could be dirty at times, she was always classy, graceful and elegant, and she made this chump look like a somebody whenever we were together.

She was also a devoted partner and co-host of my weekly show, Cannabis Culture News LIVE, appearing with me in over 60 episodes.

Her name was Princess. She was my bong.

I first met Princess on the day I came for a job interview at Cannabis Culture Magazine. I was taken downstairs to meet the boss, Marc Emery, by a very attractive former CCHQ employee named Mel Hempseed (pictured at left with Princess). After the interview was over she asked me if I wanted a bong toke, and that’s when she introduced me to Princess.

Mel Hempseed with PrincessShe was a Canadian-made, 36-inch tall High Guy with a straight neck (no ice chokes) and a red top lip.

At first I was a little intimidated, having never smoked from a bong so big before. Marc showed me the proper way to hit her by taking two huge puffs and exhaling in between. Mel packed and lit my bowl and I took a massive draw, holding in the smoke for as long as I could.

It was love at first toke.

Over the next year, Mel and I became amazing friends, smoking out of Princess every morning as our daily ritual. Mel was the manager of a store formerly located across the street from CCHQ (and owned by Marc) called 420 Convenience; a 7-11 for stoners. When the concept didn’t work out and Marc was forced to close the store, Mel (after a short stint as manager of the BCMP Vapor Lounge) decided to move home to Toronto.

Flying a 3-foot bong to Toronto seemed like a bad idea, so I promised Mel I would give Princess a good home. The marriage was complete.

When I started Cannabis Culture News LIVE, the first of Pot TV’s new line-up of LIVE shows, Princess quickly became a star. Audiences were tantalized by her raw beauty and impressed by those who knew how to handle her.

Many guests of the show who were offered a hit declined, daunted by her size and commanding presence. Some who accepted had their asses kicked and some held their own. All left impressed and very high.

Princess on CCN LIVE with me and Cannabis Champ Matt MernaghShe quickly became a mainstay of other Pot TV shows like Opus LIVE with Mik Mann and From Under the Influence with Marijuana Man as my right- (and left-) hand girl, and I was rarely seen without her.

Tragically, last friday after filming the latest episode of CCN LIVE, CC Assistant Editor Marius accidentally bumped into her and knocked her to the floor. I heard a loud crash, and by the time I turned around she was already gone.

Her neck was fatally snapped. She was shattered into too many pieces to count, along with my heart.

We had just finished filming a special add-on segment at the end of the show; just some candid and casual bong rips from Princess (and her little sister Mini-Princess). That means her last bong rips were recorded. Watch here or below at 56:40 to see them.

I and many others mourn this terrible loss; however, I think Princess would have wanted us to remember the amazing times we had together, moments when she was serving up milky bong rips and keeping us high and happy.

R.I.P. Princess. I’ll never forget you.

Jeremiah Vandermeer is editor of Cannabis Culture. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter.

Jeremiah Vandermeer
Jeremiah Vandermeer

Jeremiah Vandermeer is Cannabis Culture Chief of Operations and Editor of Cannabis Culture Magazine & Pot TV.