War Munchies

When Obama was running for president he promised to get out of Iraq. He said it was the wrong war, and most of us agree with him.

The Iraqis were no threat to Americans. But I feel that his choice of a “good war”, Afghanistan, was a shortsighted decision. His policy, obviously, did not further our goals or help us achieve our debt to democracy.

Personally, I like the idea of a good war, too. One in which there is no ambiguity about the nobleness of our cause, which I conclude to be an improvement of the cuisine of the United States. What is more moral and noble than feeding people good food? After examining the war with Vietnam, you can make the argument that it was a “good war”, a just war. The U.S. needed the cuisine to liven up our mostly Chinese version of Asian food, and we got the added bonus of the flavors of surrounding Southeast Asian nations as Laos, Thailand, and Cambodia. The wars in Iran and Iraq are moral, military and food failures. How many Americans have been to an Iraqi or an Iranian restaurant? While I personally like Afghani food. which I am familiar with because of the large Afghani population Fremont, CA (near Oakland, where I live), and the restaurants that serve them. I don’t think that most of America is ready for the unusual flavors and spice. The war in Afghanistan is doomed for failure as well and has no moral objective.

Having traveled the world a bit, I conclude that we should abandon the futile wars we are fighting, remove our bases from all but a few countries, and turn our attention to the insults and threats to the US made by Belgium.

There are many reasons why we might target this country. They have excellent ways with seafood, both raw and cooked, flavorful sauces, and most importantly. wonderful pastries!! All the more reason for an invasion!

We can infiltrate quietly and inexpensively by flying tourist class to Brussels or Amsterdam (only short train ride away!) or surrounding countries. Once there we “visit” the forts located throughout the countryside. Acting like tourists, we take them over by “renting” rooms, then clog up the food supply by overburdening their restaurants.

This technique has worked before. You are probably not aware of this, but as I write this article, America is being invaded, today, by the infamous “Canadian Snowbirds” who travel inconspicuously in their RVs. They follow the Sun Trail down the east coast of America strategically using our highways to get to their destination and achieve their goals; the takeover of many towns and cities in Florida, which they hold hostage with their strong dollars for months at a time.

When Bush and Rumsfeld first invaded Iraq, Rumsfeld estimated that it would cost somewhere between $3-7 billion to depose Saddam Hussein and instate a safe, functioning, democratic country. I estimate that our “friendly” invasion of Belgium, using the tourist rouse will cost less than a billion plus budget overruns due to the cost of the éclairs.

In order to carry out this invasion, we have to stop bleeding our resources in Afghanistan and Iraq immediately. We should so what any noble army would do—turn around, go home, and save hundreds of thousands of lives and raise capital for a summer invasion of Belgium with the rallying cry, “We demand the pastries!”