Marc Emery Plans to Raise a Stink

Marc EmeryMarc EmeryThe call came in the middle of the night from Nimbin, Australia.
“Your fearless leader is right on the mark,” said KoalaMan, an Aussie pot activist who I met at last year’s Nimbin Cannabis Cup. “When they brought the drug dogs to our part of the woods, we dosed them with bong water. They went bonkers and haven’t been back since.”

KoalaMan called me because he had heard that police in Vancouver, Canada, where Emery’s marijuana seed business, political party, and media empire are based, had used drug-sniffing dogs on ferry boats that transport passengers between the “Sunshine Coast” and the Vancouver mainland.

Last week, West Vancouver police, in what they called “Operation High Seas” brought drug dogs to the vehicle-only decks of the government-run ferries. The dogs sniffed out several “suspicious” vehicles on four ferry trips while undercover police officers prevented passengers from having access to their cars.

When passengers were allowed to return to their vehicles, police confronted them, searched their cars, and allegedly found seven kilos of BC bud. Several people were arrested; others were harassed and allowed to leave after police seized from them small amounts of marijuana.

Emery told reporters that marijuana advocates would begin derailing the dog patrols by dousing the ferries with bong water and other products that contained cannasmells.

KoalaMan whole-heartedly agreed with this tactic.

“We was real angry when they put the dogs on each end of town so you couldn’t get in or out,” he said, referring to incidents last year when Australian police brought drug dogs to Nimbin and nearby Byron Bay. “We figured that if the drugs were trained to smell, we’d give them something to smell all right!”

A team of awesome Aussies fanned out across the region, spraying street signs, curbsides, buildings, police cars and stations, and other locations with liquids that smelled of cannabis.

“The most effective stuff, the stuff that really drove the dogs wild when they came back on us after the first blockade, was from the Bubble Bag leavings,” KoalaMan explained.

Bubble Bags are a series of screen devices used in the “ice water extraction method” of making hashish. Bubble Bag operators chill marijuana leaves and flowers in ice water, which causes the most super-potent resin glands to detach and float through screens of various size.

The resulting collection of resin glands, often called “Bubble Hash,” is the most concentrated pure marijuana product available.

Many people, upon taking their first hit of Bubble Hash, fall to their knees and begin speaking in tongues and performing miracles similar to those written about in the Bible.

“We saw the Cannabis Culture photographer Barge demonstrate the Bubble Bag procedure at the Oasis Caf? in Nimbin last year,” KoalaMan explained. “For all of us growers who had been composting our leaves and stems, it was a big wake-up call. We realized that we could make blazing hash from stuff that we had been throwing away, and the water that we used to make the Bubble Hash in was perfect for messing up the drug dogs. It was really smelly. It worked better than bong water.”

Since then, KoalaMan and his allies have been dumping BubbleWater, BongWater, joint roaches, stems, seeds, diseased marijuana, and other things that smell like cannabis anywhere they think that a drug dog might appear.

“The people in Canada can do the same thing, just like Emery said,” KoalaMan enthused. “Just go on every deck of the ferryboat, and especially where them pigs and their dogs are likely to hit, and lay down a coating of cannabis perfume. Especially you should put it on police cars, around police stations, at the Customs border, and in places on the side of the boat where the dogs can smell it but can’t get at it. I recommend that the poor kids who go to school in America, where they have all those dogs and coppers in the schools, ought to do the same thing.”

West Vancouver police refused to comment about Emery’s canna-canine threat, but rumor has it that bongwater and BubbleWater storage, distribution and sprayer networks are being spontaneously created in response to Sir Emery’s innocent but prescient musings.

“Hitler used dogs too, and we don’t like it that man’s best friend has been turned into a little four-legged nark,” said one Canadian pot activist who says he no longer has a name. “If the Canadian police want to start acting like the stupid, fascist American police, we have to fight back. I can’t wait to see what happens the next time they bring nark dogs on our ferry.”Marc Emery

Bubble Bags, amazing devices that produce primo hash and anti-dog water, are available via Fresh Headies at or by calling 1-866-Melting.

For more information about Nimbin, see Cannabis Culture magazine, issues 39 and 40, available soon at a magazine store, mailbox, or brothel near you.