Grower to DEA: Bud Out!

I have a blunt message for the Drug Enforcement Administration: I grow marijuana for profit in the United States, you can’t stop me, and you are ignorant fools.
I want to make sure I explain my message to the DEA clearly and in detail. One reason is that the DEA people appear to be intellectually deficient, so I have to design my message so that it could be understood even by a child.

Another reason is that my message to the DEA is directly related to the arrest of Marc Emery for selling marijuana seeds to Americans.

Firstly, the issue of growing marijuana for money.

I started growing in 1996 because I was tired of paying street prices for schwag of questionable origin. High prices and lack of quality are a direct result of the war on drugs, which limits supply and makes it harder to get good weed.

My first garden was sprouted from seeds that were in a bag of pot I bought. The DEA seems to think it’s hard to get marijuana seeds unless you order them from Marc Emery, but marijuana seeds are everywhere, and have been for many years before Marc Emery began selling them.

Emery is one of hundreds of international marijuana seed brokers who are part of a network of thousands of marijuana seed collectors, breeders, and producers.

If the DEA really wants to interfere with the ability of its citizens to grow marijuana from seed, it is going to have to do a lot more than bust Marc Emery. It’s going to have to bust hundreds of thousands of people.

Of the 40 seeds I tried to sprout for my first garden, 28 actually sprouted. Of those, 18 grew to be males. I killed them, and was left with ten females. I cloned some of the best females early in the harvest cycle and have been growing from clones ever since. I buy clones and trade them. I have never used any seeds since my second crop.

(Note to DEA: A clone is a cutting from a mature marijuana plant. It is an exact duplicate of the mature plant, except it’s smaller. All professional growers use clones. They don’t grow from seeds.)

I became a commercial pot grower after my second crop, realizing I could grow more than enough bud to support my needs, sell some, and pay for my entire grow operation and mortgage with the profits.

The more I grew, the more I wanted to grow. The more money I made, the more I wanted to make. Because of prohibition and its inflationary effect on marijuana retail prices, I make tens of thousands of dollars per year growing pot discreetly in my home.

I am not a “drug dealer.” I don?t convince anybody to buy weed. They beg me to sell it to them. It is a totally voluntary transaction for seller and buyer. It is a totally consensual act. There is no victim, and therefore, no “crime.”

That?s something I want the DEA officers to understand: they are risking their lives, ruining people?s lives and spending their lives to enforce laws that criminalize a harmless, victimless act. What a waste of a life. What a waste of police resources.

I grow my weed organically. It is very potent weed, and is a cleaner product than 99% of the food, pharmaceuticals, cosmetics, alcohol, tobacco and other goods that most people make, sell, or put in or on their bodies.

Other than the fact that some people can?t handle strong weed and should smoke less of it or none at all, I?m sure my product is providing safe fun, relaxation and medicine to everyone who buys from me, and isn?t hurting them much, if at all.

The same cannot be said by people who make or sell military equipment, guns, booze, gasoline, chain saws, prescription drugs, junk food, cigarettes, jet skis, pesticides and most other “legal” products.

Almost every product and service in today?s legal economy is manufactured, sold, or designed in a way that harms people.

Who does more harm to humanity – a person who grows marijuana, or a person who manufactures Tasers? A person who grows marijuana or a person who makes military weapons?

So, I am proud to be a pot grower. Some of my marijuana helps medical patients. Nobody goes crazy and kills people when they smoke my pot. Nobody uses pot as a date rape drug. When I grow and sell this plant, my business is more ethical than most businesses are. Most businesses or their products harm the environment and their customers. Mine doesn?t.

I know several other commercial marijuana growers, and I keep current on trends in the commercial marijuana industry. That?s why I laugh at the DEA?s claims that Marc Emery sold marijuana seeds to major commercial growers. I don?t know ANY commercial growers who grow marijuana from seeds. None. Professional commercial pot growers use clones because it is more efficient, it saves time, and it produces a fast, uniform crop.

If the DEA knew anything about the marijuana market, they?d know that commercial growers offer a boring menu of commercial clone crops like Skunk, Hashplant, Jamaican, and Indo. They aren?t interested in diversity, Sativas, slow-growing plants, or losing half their crop to males. They?re interested in perpetual harvests from their clones.

Seeds are for medical growers, hobby growers, people who have small home gardens. Seeds are for small fry. Seeds are for people who want to experiment with marijuana botanically and medically. They are not used by people who grow marijuana in large operations primarily for profit.

So what can I conclude about the DEA?s claim that Marc Emery sold seeds to commercial pot growers? Either that the DEA is lying, which is a given, or the pot growers they are referring to are total amateurs. Probably both are true. And even if Emery did sell seeds to commercial growers, what?s the big deal about that? Marijuana is a more righteous crop than most crops grown these days. There?s no sin in selling it.

Number two on my list of three statements that I made at the start of this essay is that the DEA can?t stop me from growing pot. I have been growing thousands of plants a year for nearly ten years. I am the most paranoid person I know. I keep myself completely safe using a variety of methods. None of my customers knows I am a pot grower. They think I am just a middleman representing a grower. My customers don?t know my real name or where I live. Whenever they see me I am wearing a fake beard, big glasses, and a hat. And I use different types of fake beards, glasses and hats, just to make things interesting.

There’s more chance that I will be run over by Santa’s reindeer than that my garden will be discovered and myself arrested for it.

I know of no intelligent commercial herb grower who orders marijuana seeds from anywhere. Intelligent commercial pot growers don?t order illegal things through the mail. They don?t do anything that could get them caught.

If you order illegal things through the mail, you should automatically know that you are at risk.

Everybody should already know that the internet was created by the government and is managed and monitored by the government and by the corporations that offer internet services and servers.

I believe that years from now we will find out the internet is a vast surveillance scheme disguised as a free tool to improve communications worldwide.

Nothing in life is really free, so figure it out: the internet is a trick. Have you yet realized that the government and your internet company can and do monitor every email you send, every website you visit, every product or service you order over the internet?

I view the internet the same way a fish views a net – it’s a tool for catching things. Using internet surveillance, the government and corporations can know everything about those who use the internet.

They especially know who is visiting websites devoted to subversive topics such as marijuana and marijuana seeds.

If I type marijuana seeds into a search engine, I find many, many people selling them. I’m sure the DEA is finding those people too. It’s a form of job security program for the DEA. They can remotely monitor all seed sellers and their customers, and then round up a few whenever they want to justify their bloated salaries.

It’s like shooting turkeys in a barrel.

The internet is a net that catches subversive people, catalogs them, and places them in line for further scrutiny.

That’s why I typed this essay on an internet caf?’s anonymous computer and sent it to Cannabis Culture from a fake email address.

So I don?t believe the DEA will ever catch me. They haven’t caught me yet, and how can they? I take 20% of my profits and invest them in an attorney, a private investigator, security technology, and a security service. I build safety and defenses into my life and work.

If I ever get caught, which is very unlikely, the DEA and its prosecutors will have a hard time proving their case, because I have put up roadblocks at every step of the way, and because I have a lawyer who will sink his teeth into the bastards and tear off their limbs and genitals to destroy their search warrant, their witnesses, their evidence, and their legal strategy.

If they want a war, I’ll give them a war. I won?t just lie down and die if they bust me. I will make it painful for them to prosecute me and very hard for them to prove their charges against me. I will not be a passive defendant. My lawyers will beat their lawyers. I will not go down quietly.

I have even gone so far as to install devices and software in my home, car and communications equipment that will detect recording devices, undercover liars, and other potential problems.

One time, my equipment and my early warning system detected that someone who had previously bought from me had been busted for drunk driving and was trying to set me up so she could reduce her jail sentence.

So I set her up. She was waiting in the park where we usually do our deals, waiting for an hour for me to come with weed. Too bad for her I was watching her from 300 yards away with my super-binoculars. I saw the unmarked police cars parked along the perimeter, and I saw her talking to herself, which meant she was talking to the watching cops through a wireless remote.

I stood her up. Then I called her later on, told her I’d been busted by a snitch and would never sell weed again. She cried, said she was sorry I got busted, and please don?t blame her for it. She even had the balls to ask me where else she could buy weed!

I asked her, real gently, why should I blame you if I got busted? And hung up as it dawned on her that I knew she had tried to set me up. She’ll be looking over her shoulder for me the rest of her life. That’s karma, baby nark. Life is a bitch when you’re a snitch.

So I say to the DEA, you will never stop me from growing marijuana. Even if I got caught, was found guilty, and was sentenced to prison (which is about as likely to happen as it’s likely that George W. Bush will be found out to be an honest man), when I get out of prison, I will change my name, change my fingerprints, change my face, and start growing again. I was born to be a pot farmer, and that’s what I will be until the day I die.

The third assertion I made at the start of this essay is that the DEA people are ignorant fools. I don’t think I have to work too hard to prove to marijuana growers that the DEA personnel are ignorant and foolish, but it’s fun to outline it, so I will.

First of all, if the DEA agents and administrators believe what they say about Emery being a “drug kingpin” because he sells marijuana seeds to “commercial growers,” they are ignorant because they are unaware that commercial growers don’t buy seeds from Emery.

They are also ignorant if they don’t know that commercial growers use clones.

They are ignorant if they think Emery is a “kingpin.” The guy is perpetually broke. He sold seeds, not pot. A drug kingpin is a mucho rich guy at the top of a cocaine empire in Colombia. The DEA is ignorant because it doesn’t know the difference between Emery and a drug kingpin. And they are ignorant if they think that marijuana is harmful enough to justify their having a war against it.

Marijuana never killed anybody, but the DEA agents waging war against marijuana have killed plenty of people. The DEA has killed far more people than marijuana has killed. Maybe DEA agents should be arrested, for the protection of society.

What is a fool? A fool is a DEA agent who spends his life busting people who grow plants. These DEA clowns are telling themselves a whole series of abstracted lies that they string together in their heads so they can justify what they do in their jobs.

Their lies are a retarded religion, a drug war religion. The DEA’s reefer madness religion tells them that plants are dangerous and must be eradicated. Their decrepit religion tells them that gardeners, plant users, and medical marijuana patients are bad people who should be pursued, caught, arrested at gunpoint, and jailed.

Indeed, the DEA spends most of its time and money harassing sick and dying medical cannabis people in states where medical marijuana is legal. The DEA regularly attacks sick and dying people, and their caregivers, to enforce federal marijuana laws in places where it’s been legalized by state voters.

A fool is a DEA agent who thinks it’s righteous to put a gun to the head of an old lady in a wheelchair who grows medical marijuana.

A fool is a DEA undercover nark who spends years lying to Marc Emery to get him to sell seeds under false pretenses to her, so she can build a case against him, even though Emery is openly admitting and showing on the internet and in his magazine that he sells marijuana seeds.

A fool is the head of the DEA who authorizes hundreds of thousands of tax dollars be spent to bust a guy like Emery, who is so openly violating the law that all you’d have to do to get a grand jury to indict him is just to show the grand jury the guy’s own marijuana television shows.

Emery made no secret of what he was doing, but the DEA chose to foolishly spend lots of money and time to prove what he was openly doing.

A fool is a DEA agent, US federal prosecutor, and US Attorney General who believe that Marc Emery is a dangerous criminal destroying America’s youth.

America’s youth are being destroyed just by living in America, by being sent to Iraq by George W. Bush, by breathing polluted air and drinking feces-infected water, by watching American television.

America’s youth are harmed by the DEA, when they are caught in the crossfire of DEA raids.

Marc Emery has never harmed American kids. America harms American kids. Military recruiters harm American kids.

Have the DEA agents who met Marc Emery paid close attention to his personality and behavior? I have. The guy is so NOT dangerous, it’s funny. He’s an average, middle-aged man who likes to get stoned and likes to get other people stoned. He looks like a school teacher, artist, or accountant. He doesn’t look dangerous to me.

I doubt that he has ever even been in a fistfight, beaten an animal, shoplifted, clear-cut a forest, or otherwise harmed anyone or anything. He looks harmless, mild and pacifistic.

An ignorant fool is a DEA agent who meets Marc Emery and wants to harm him. An ignorant fool is someone who works for the DEA as a paid liar, which is what undercover DEA agents are. It’s foolish to make your career as a professional liar and con artist. Someday, your lies will come back to haunt you.

There are a lot of people whom the DEA and other police agencies should bust. There are people around here who make methamphetamines and sell them to kids. There are others who sell handguns to kids. There are some who dump their motor oil into the storm drains and destroy our river and fish. There are some who do sick, sexual things to their little daughters. There are some who drink booze and then kill people while driving. There are people who put sedatives in girls’ drinks at bars and then rape them while the girls are unconscious. There are mechanics who overcharge people for unnecessary car repairs. There are doctors who prescribe deadly drugs to kids. There are presidents who lie, and then people die because of those lies. There are people who steal cars and bicycles and stereos. There are people who beat other people and animals.

All those people are real criminals and should have a war against them. But the DEA doesn’t do anything to any of them because the DEA is scared of real criminals. The DEA doesn’t do anything to make the world better. The DEA are wussies. They like to pick on people who are unarmed and non-violent. It’s easy for them to pick on Marc Emery and his two employees, but DEA agents are like most bullies – they won’t go after people who can kick their ass.

That’s why the DEA busted Marc Emery instead of the motorcycle gang members who do cross-border meth, pot and gun transactions. The DEA is scared of the gang members.

DEA agents are ignorant fools because they are warriors in a war against plants. Isn’t it weird, foolish and ignorant that there’s no war on rape, war on pollution, war on poaching, war on war crimes, war on lying politicians, war on child molestation, war on fraud… there is only a war on marijuana and other healing plants.

The DEA are ignorant fools for spending their lives waging war against a plant and against people involved with a plant. And they are ignorant because what they think are facts about marijuana are actually lies, what they don’t know is what they should know, and because they do way more harm than good.

I could go on and on, but I’ll spare you my complete litany of disgust regarding ignorant DEA fools. Suffice to say that DEA agents are brainwashed, dangerous, doglike war criminals.

They’re so proud of themselves for arresting a seed-selling man who “broke the law” in public for 11 years. They are so adrenalized because they arrested a man who sold seeds. They’re all pumped up because they busted a seed merchant. Such bravery. Such valor.

I bet that many DEA agents go to church on Sunday. In America, many of the churches preach that war is good, gay people are bad, and that anybody who uses drugs is a devil worshiper.

But maybe the DEA agents in church ought to read their Bibles, especially those verses that say God made the plants, God made the herbs. Marijuana and all other plants are God’s gifts to humans.

Oh my God – it might dawn on them that by warring against plants they are warring against the “Creation” and its “Creator.”

They are having a “war on God.”

Maybe the DEA agents will sit in their pews listening to their frothy-mouthed preacher screeching a sermon about the evils of homosexuality, abortion, and drugs, and suddenly the grace of some real god will enlighten them to realize that by spending their lives harming plants and people who enjoy plants, they are committing a terrible sin against nature and other humans.

At that moment, those DEA agents might repent of their sins, quit their war jobs, and try to do healing work that compensates the world for the harm they formerly did.

If they do that, they will no longer be ignorant fools.

Until then, I have this message for them:

If you are a DEA agent, prosecutor or other drug warrior who believes that Marc Emery and his marijuana seeds are evil, then you are ignorant, and it is you who is evil.

Number two: you will NEVER stop people from growing marijuana, and commercial pot growers don’t grow pot from pot seeds, so why don’t you just give up and do something more honorable with your life?

Number three: DEA does not actually stand for “Drug Enforcement Administration.”

It actually stands for “Dumb Evil Assholes.”



  1. Anonymous on

    Pot smokers don’t do home invasions to buy weed. 1. Marijuana isn’t addictive and people don’t crave it to the point of harming others to get it. 2. Even a regular smoker doesn’t spend near as much as a Coke, Heroin or Pill addict. Smoking pot is not prohibitively expensive. 3. If a poverty stricken person did become so desperate to get high that they resorted to breaking in to your home, the would not be buying organic high end weed from an American grower. They would be buying cheap stuff brought in by violent Mexican gangs who control parts of inner cities. These murderers are in the pot business because it is illegal. The drug war raises prices, attracts organized crime, then makes them rich enough to pay off the cops in both countries, and outgun the cops they forgot to pay. The ignorance of the typical prohibitionist is staggering.

  2. Anonymous on

    you shall be thrown in the fire if thou shall ignore the ways of the natives.

  3. Anonymous on

    What do you mean your sales don’t hurt others? The drug buyer just broke into my son’s house and stole everything they had. Worse than that, was the trauma to the children and wife. You see only what you want. The rest of us who choose to labor for minimal wages to pay our mortgages and bills while you suck the life from society. Yes , I have neuropathic pain, glassophyarygeal neuralgia, but I don’t take marijuana I take Neurotin. So don’t go there with another excuse just to get high. God, what do you know about Him, trying to use scripture like Satan against Jesus during the temptations in the wilderness. Thou shalt not live by bread alone but by every word which proceedth out of the mouth of God. So, Look around at the world in which we live in. Is it better since drugs have taken over? Living in a drunken stupor is not the answer but having a clear mind to face the challenges. Not numbing oneself.

  4. Anonymous on

    Fuck The DEA